Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
someone owes me an orgasm
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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