If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
