my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
