I CAN MOONWALK!
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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