i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
