Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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