he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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