I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
