So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
