Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
you guys were way drunker than both of me
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
