did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
