is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
