Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
