That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
