I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
