2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
