and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
