and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
