Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
