My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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