My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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