It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Randomize
