Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Who did Billy Mays play for?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Randomize
