White coat. Heels.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
