The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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