Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
only you would photoshop your dick
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
