"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
i think i just lost a toe
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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