A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
