don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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