somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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