boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
