do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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