worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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