is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
