My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
