Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
