What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
