I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
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