Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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