Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
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