i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
