my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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