I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
