He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
