Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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