I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
