i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
