I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
