I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
