i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
