I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
It's shark week go big or go home
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
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