yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
