I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
